Hello from another part of the world
I received an email the other day. It was Squarespace, the platform of this digital portfolio, asking if I wanted to purchase my domain for another year. I actually considered stopping it. I wondered if $25 for the year wasn’t worth it still since I haven’t created in a while. Small things, here and there. Nothing like I was creating in 2024.
It was then that I chose to slap myself silly, metaphorically of course, because deviating from your art at times is baked into an artist’s journey. The moments you stray, no matter how far, an invisible string pulls you back. You’re not meant to be inspired at all times. I used to quote this line growing up: there would be no highlights without the lows. While I felt there were only lows, lower, and lowest during my teenage years, I fantasized about the times beyond that. Young adult, living abroad, free to dance, sing, and laugh in an apartment all by myself. Cat by her side, making plans with her super cool and supportive friend group. A live music band perhaps, or a natural wine bar. Something older me would be into and know useless facts about. A version of me that didn’t watch her movies wishing she was any of those characters.
Great news for younger me, I am writing this all the way from Spain. Where I currently live and have lived for almost a year now. Surviving the adjustment pains, the bureaucracy from hell, some interesting, short-lived friendships in the beginning, another breakup I knew was coming, and about a million more emotions than the ones I already had. I came here with 4 suitcases- hauling about 100 pounds more than most of the people doing this program. I fit my life, or what would become the beginning of this chapter of my life, into 200 pounds because I didn’t intend to move back to the States. Cliché, I know. “I’m moving to Europe” is an American’s famous last words after their Ibiza trip.. I meant it, though. And I did it. People move all the time, but considering how small I felt at 15, in a bedroom that didn’t represent me in the slightest, I would say that younger me would have the largest, most dramatic sigh of relief.
Direction hasn’t always been my strong suit. Something about Pisces living in dreamland, or lover girls with their noses shoved in Jane Austen books and whatnot. I wanted something else, I wanted more, I just didn’t know what. Now, about 12 years removed from that (gross!) I think I mostly just wanted to feel at peace, but as we all know, peace is found within. I’m still digging deep for that, but I finally feel a sense of home. Spain feels nice, like a jacket you try on at the store that already feels like it’s yours, suited to your body and wrapping around you in all the right ways.
I wondered how my creativity would fit into my life here. Let’s be honest, Tim Burton fanart isn’t exactly universal. Moving to a new country has a lot of lonely parts but it also allows you to keep the best parts of you, and the space to grow in the not-so-pretty parts. Moving abroad is like relearning your sense of self. Geographic puberty, if you will. In the way that art imitates life, my art reflects me. The blockage I felt last year is left behind, making room for my future projects. My Pinterest board looks different, because so does my lifestyle. My most recent addition, Her Wings, marks the first official piece I’ve created since moving. It looks different but it also doesn’t. My visual inspiration here looks different, but the lens is the same. I’m learning to love the ways that I’m growing here. I welcome artist’s block with open arms, and dare I say, the world is my (Spanish) oyster.
